Category Archives: Day to Day
Random stuff that I feel the need to share. Normally fangirling, ranting, talk about books and/or movies, pondering interesting thoughts and ideas, or language stuff.
Thoughts on Brexit, Independence Day: Resurgence, and American Politics (Yes, those things are all connected)
Alright, so in the last 24 hours there have been two important occurrences: Brexit happened, and I saw Independence Day: Resurgence. And you know what? Those two things are actually very connected.
This morning I found out that the referendum in Great Britain whether to stay or to leave the EU turned out in favor of leaving the EU. Brexit is happening. Shortly after that, I heard that repercussions of the Brexit included: economic collapse of the British pound, Scotland voting (again) to leave the UK to stay in the EU/renegotiate or something, Northern Ireland is also potentially going to leave the UK, settle their differences with the Republic of Ireland to have a United Ireland and stay in the EU, and the British Prime Minister is resigning. Basically all amount of chaos is ensuing.
This afternoon, I went to see Independence Day: Resurgence. Not the best movie in the world, the original was better, all that jazz. However, I really enjoyed this movie. Why? Because for a moment I got the chance to imagine a world – a version of our very own planet Earth – that was united. A world which had been without war for 20 years because we human beings gained perspective (after a fictitious alien attack on the whole planet forced us to realize that no matter what country we happen to have been born in, ultimately we’re all human and a vast majority of us are just trying to find our way in this crazy existence we call life, which no one has a right to take away from us without a fight).
Do I think that world peace is possible? At this rate, Absolutely not. Was it nice to get away from the chaos that is our current world to imagine it for two hours? Absolutely. Did I learn something from it? Yes, because I’m choosing to do so.
Coming back home from the movie and getting back to the internet, I’m seeing a lot of reactions to Brexit. Basically, Great Britain has made a choice because of fear that has a lot of negative consequences most people who voted for Brexit didn’t realize would happen. Economic collapse, loss of jobs, loss of security, frustration, chaos, anger, fear, etc.
Okay, that choice has happened, and now we have to deal with it and try to see what we’ve got and figure out what we can learn from it. And America, we have a lot to take from it so listen up: “the UK basically just put xenophobia and racism ahead of its own interests,” “Great Britain allowed hatred and fear to rule,” … Sound familiar? In our nation right now, there is a very real chance that we are heading in a direction of letting hate, fear, xenophobia, racism, etc. rule our country. To be completely clear to everyone, I’m talking about the possibility of Trump becoming President of the United States, because it is a very real possibility. He feeds on the fear and insecurities in our country and is turning it to hateful and divisive rhetoric, which is in turn only fueling more fear. No problem has been, or ever will be solved by throwing more hate and fear into it. Hate and fear will only produce more hate and fear until we are able to put aside our differences, and stand united against our common enemy.
I’m not saying I like Clinton as our other option – she has her own issues as a presidential candidate, and I’m personally waiting to see who’s going to be third party to weigh those options – but she is by far the lesser of two evils when it comes to where we will need our country to be in the near future. We can’t give in to fear and hate and make the situation more terrifying, more volatile, more uncertain, more dangerous, which is all Trump has done, and all he will continue to do if he is elected the leader of our country. It’s not too late, we can learn from this. Please learn from this.
(And if you already knew all this, please vote, it’s all we can do.)
Thanks for those of you who read this really long and really out of character political post.
If you want other arguments for why Trump shouldn’t be elected: (all the things I didn’t actually share on fb because I don’t normally make political stances on fb)
Other things expressing why hate is not an appropriate reaction, and there are more constructive reactions: (these videos are about the reactions to the Orlando Shooting, so not quite related, but also needing to be shared in light of fear and hate.)
To bring in the New Year, Here comes the next new thing I get completely absorbed in!
So I was reading a book – the best book I think I’ve ever read to date – Quiet by Susan Cain, a book by an introvert for introverts about introversion. From the subject of my last few posts, you can see why I find it appealing. Anywho, in this book, she mentioned research and ideas by Dr. Elaine Aron on “Highly Sensitive People.” This spoke to me like literally nothing else has. And it explained a lot of my troubles with my unfortunate first group of friends last year. 1 in 5 people are HSP, and I was the only person in that group who was. No wonder they didn’t understand me.
Getting through this section of Quiet took longer than usual, because I was so interested in what I was reading about that I kept stopping to look up different things about it. Here is one of the links I found so interesting that I posted it on facebook with the words “My. Life. This is me people, read and understand” 16 Habits of Highly Sensitive People. Aside from the fact that I am the epitome of an introvert and am relatively desensitized to violence in TV, these “habits” are 10,000% me. The even more exciting thing about this – unlike other things I’ve looked up like hyper empathy and misophonia – it isn’t diagnose-able, but is a normal healthy thing that 1 in 5 people are. (And while I’ll say I’m probably not hyper empathic, I am probably misophonic. The more you know.)
Dr. Elaine Aron does have a book called The Highly Sensitive Person, which will be my next read after I finish Quiet. I’m very excited for it, and look forward to the self-revelations and posts that will come from it! Until then, Happy New Year!
Firstly, this will be the last post of 2015! I’ve tried pretty hard this month to get back into the habit of posting more often after another completely silent semester. I’ll hopefully keep it up, but we’ll see how it goes when next semester starts (speaking of, I’ll be taking 3 psych classes- starting a psych minor – my last course for my Classical Studies minor, and an English class on Victorian Sci-fi, should be a good semester I hope!).
But anyway, to close out the year. This year has definitely been one for self-discovery and self-understanding, as almost all my posts this month have reflected. Now something I’ve always been curious about is how other people think of me and how other people see me. Yesterday I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean 4 and asked a friend if I were a mythical/mystical creature, what would I be? The response was that it was hard to think of one for me because “most mythical creatures are defined by strongly having a particular trait” and he couldn’t “think of a trait [I] have an extreme amount of.” He then went on to say, “You have good amounts of empathy, but not so much it defines you. You have a good amount of compassion but not at all times. … I think if I had to pick a single trait it would be how protective you are of those you care about.” We did eventually sorta come to a decision that a Phoenix might fit, but the whole conversation got me thinking, and I figured that this might be a good way to figure out how other people see me.
So I asked several friends of mine “If you had to pick 1-4 trait(s) that are core to my being, that I exemplify, that define me, what would they be? (In order of importance if more than 1)” and this is what I got:
From a friend at school who’s known me for a 1/2 year:
From a friend at school who’s known me for 1 year:
From a long-distance friend who’s known me for… 7 1/2 years:
From my sister:
passionate about things?
a need for self understanding? (Yeah, this is where the title for this post came from)
From another long-distance friend who’s known me for 7 1/2 years:
From a friend at school who’s known me for almost 1 1/2 years:
From another friend at school who’s known me for almost 1 1/2 years:
Loyalty (further described as “”Loyalty to certain people, ideas, and ways of doing things, loyal”)
From my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years, known me for 4:
Precise (the explanation was liking having things done a particular way)
And to recap, the friend I was talking to in the first place, who’s known me for 8 years, said without being asked that specific question
Protective about those I care about
There are some interesting themes here. Passion is very much a top trait; it came up 4 times. Protective came up 3 times, as did Loyalty. Empathy came up twice. I would probably lump Determination and Headstrong together, as well as Smart and Intelligence, and Caring, Love, and Compassion as being parts of my personality people can agree on. I am a little surprised Honesty didn’t come up more often, as it is one of the things I put in my first December post as one of the things I’ve come to greatly value, but that is one of the things that has developed more over the last year so it makes sense that it comes from the person who’s known me over the last half year only.
Some of the other words I’d like to point out before I end this post: I was happy to see Organized as something someone found important to me; a lot of those qualities I put up as things I value stem from that. Discerning was a beautiful word that I greatly enjoyed getting, as was Liminal, though I needed a little explanation on that one. When I asked about it she replied: “To me, it just means something that’s on the cusp of two places– and as long as I’ve known you, you’re always between places and stages,” which was very true and kinda eye-opening in some ways. Precise was a great word I think, linking back to Organization and such. The explanation though went very much with the further description of Loyalty from another friend, as having a way of doing things that I stick to. I guess I can get a little stuck in a rut if I think I’ve found the best way to do things, and I do value routine and security in that routine, but I’d like to think that I wouldn’t be so close minded that I wouldn’t open to changing something if a better or more efficient way comes up.
Anywho, this has been a really interesting experience to look at how other people define me. I’m still curious to see what I’d get if I asked someone who’s only had maybe one interaction with me. However, I don’t think I’m so brave to actually do it. We’ll see, I’ll update if I do! Until then, see you next year!! Happy almost New Year!
Edit: My dad said 1) Independent 2) Confident 3) Enthusiastic. Those mean a lot to me coming from him 🙂
Another friend for almost 2 1/2 years from school said Responsibility, Loyalty, Discipline/Order
My mom said Persistent (Whether this was because I asked her a few times or because it is her genuine opinion is yet to be determined)
Okay so firstly, the Internet is a wonderful resource. If I come across something I don’t know, I look it up online. If I don’t find it online easily, then I’ll ask about it. Fortunately, Myers-Briggs is very popular and it’s easy to find online resources for it. Here is a relatively good description of INTJs. If you want to learn more about it with the least cognitive effort then read this link: https://www.personalitypage.com/INTJ.html
This is a very long, technical, in-depth profile of INTJs if you’re really interested in the nitty gritty details: http://personalityjunkie.com/the-intj/
Here is an intro to INTJs that’s not nearly as long and not technical. If you read past the intro, be wary because they paint a really emotionless picture of INTJs which is not necessarily accurate. There are 8 parts total and that gets quite long; the intro suffices if you just want a non-technical, broad strokes picture of INTJs, but it’s slightly strangely worded and seems to have strange biases: http://www.16personalities.com/intj-personality
When I write blog posts about things I know pretty well, I assume my readers either have some knowledge about the subject or can easily look up the things they don’t know, or have the option not to read it at all if they aren’t interested in the subject of the post.
To clear up some other misconceptions about my interest in personality typology:
I like gathering information quickly and efficiently, and the Jung’s cognitive functions behind Myers-Briggs is insanely helpful with that when it comes to people. I like figuring out how things work, including people. And that’s what Myers-Briggs/Jung personality typing does- figure out how people work, how they take in information, what’s important for decision making, which of those processes they show to the world, things like that. It does not tell who you are as a person or how valuable you are. All types have strengths and weaknesses. It does show broad traits you prioritize in yourself and those around you. But how individuals present those greatly varies within type. I use it as a tool, for understanding people (up to change as my understandings of people change, and I don’t generally put people in specific type boxes but rather focus on just Jung’s functions when I do this) and for an understanding of myself, figuring out my weaknesses, developing my strengths, and growing as a person. Because yes, looking into the deeper stuff underneath the superficial type boxes can actually help with that. A ton.
I’m an INTJ.
So this past week I went to the Myers Briggs Certification Course! I am officially certified now and it’s super exciting for me. At 20, I may or may not be the youngest person to be certified? I don’t think they keep age data unfortunately. I will ask about it though and update if I’ve broken any records, because that would be awesome.
Also, if you do want me to do the MBTI assessment with you I can. There would be a cost involved; though taking it is free, buying a report for the results costs money, and I can’t offer to do that for everyone. That price varies depending on what type of report you’d like. I probably won’t charge much more than the cost of the report though, at least not for the first couple months of being certified.
So aside from now being able to administer the MBTI assessment and feedback and lead team building programs with MBTI, the main things I got from this week have been the self-revelations and greater understanding of myself.
So, I’ve always tested as INFJ on both online and official Myers-Briggs tests. After I started learning more about the Jung functions behind Myers-Briggs, I began to think I might be more of an ISFJ or even ISTJ, or maybe just didn’t fit into anything but still found it helpful to know both the ways I fit certain things and didn’t fit with other things. Because a lot of things in descriptions for ISFJs, INFJs, and ISTJs fit for me… But nothing wholeheartedly clicked into place.
Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked…. (Guess who started watching Avatar: The Last Airbender over finals week?). But actually, things just clicked this week. For one, INTJ just fit a lot better than the pseudo-fits of INFJ, ISFJ, and ISTJ. (It’s a wonder I didn’t look at INTJ earlier- but for some reason I just never considered it.) Secondly, when I started digging into it more it started to make more and more sense.
The instructor of the course said that I approached things from a very NT perspective. Furthermore, I realized the traits I have which relate to SF can be attributed either to other aspects of my type (TJ) or from family/environmental factors.
The other important concept for me and my understanding of my type is the idea of development. I’m twenty years old. I’m not a fully developed personality yet, something I’ve been realizing more and more this year but had never really put into those words. And it actually explains a lot. My personality up until now has been more shaped by my family and my environment rather than my own innate preferences (I don’t know if that seems counter intuitive or not, but it’s true). Now I’m finally coming into my own and coming around to my own preferences, which is why I’ve seemed to flip personalities. But it’s not a flip, it’s an emergence. I think I mentioned this in the last post, I have changed, but I feel more like myself, more comfortably/naturally myself.
I might seem slightly crazy, but I honestly feel more complete having a type that really fits me. It’s nice to be able to say that I have a place that explains a lot about why people don’t always understand me, and have somewhere to go to when I need to relate to people who process completely differently from me, and also to have a place to grow from there stretched out before me. It’s reminding me that it’s okay not to have it all figured out yet, but I have a good starting place and a heading. And that’s a very comforting place for me to be at this point.
Well. The past semester has been interesting. Who am I kidding, my entire college experience has been interesting. Just like my post from the end of last semester, this post will be insanely self-reflective. This post is really more for me than it is for anyone else who might happen across it. First thing’s first, I’ll just say off the bat that in the post from the end of last semester I briefly mentioned Myers-Briggs and my type – I’m still super into Myers-Briggs (I’m even getting certified in it in a week), but the more I learn about it, the less certain I am about my type. But I don’t really use it for type purposes now, but rather as a vocabulary for describing individual elements and associated functions. Enough about that because it’ll get too technical, but it has been a part of this entire thought process. But I digress. On to the important parts of this post. So last time I mentioned a little bit of soul-searching; I’ll actually get to it this time.
So my main problem has been not being able to define myself. You know, nothing super major, just an identity crisis. One that I’ve been having now for a long time. I keep looking back at myself and how I’ve changed over the last year and half, even just the last semester, and I honestly only barely recognize myself. And it’s crazy, because to some extent it doesn’t even seem like I had a personality back then. I mean I guess I did, but I feel like I wasn’t really my own person? Even if I did, it was a very weak personality if that makes sense.
I’ve always been someone who very much sticks to the rules and what is proper and not causing a big raucous or ruffle any feathers. That’s just my natural way. I was curious, but quietly curious. I would get excited about things I was interested in, and felt that the best way to get to know me was through the things I was passionate about, like Lord of the Rings and Narnia and Doctor Who and the like. For a long time, this was true. I was a mix of the things I had come to love. I’d enjoy watching people have fun rather than participate. I enjoy order and structure. I’ve always enjoyed order and structure, if no one else stepped up, I would normally be the one to organize a group project. At the same time, if someone else did step up, I’d happily let them take the reigns. I respect authority, but don’t really take it much, for fear of messing up or what others may think or ruffling feathers. I don’t like to be in the spotlight or in the center of attention. I am a very passive person. Not in a go with the flow way, but a “I’ll adjust to whatever works for you” way. Lastly, I have always felt my emotions very strongly, and have always been very expressive of my emotions. When I would get excited about something I’m passionate about, it was slightly unnerving for some of my friends.
I’m still a very emotional person. In fact, it’s to the point where when I am feeling apathetic and don’t have access to my emotions, because it is such a rare occurrence, I am so out of it and not myself that I can’t really function. I still am very expressive of my emotions, not so much in a I’m just going to wear my heart on my sleeve way, but in a intentional, I’m not going to hide my emotions because I don’t want to be disingenuous. Similarly, I don’t want to be disingenuous with my interactions with people in any way, and am now far more blunt. I’m not afraid to let my opinion known if it’s what I know to be best for someone. There are still plenty of times when I don’t say things, if they aren’t super important to me or would massively affect the group in a way I don’t want to deal with, but I’m more assertive than I used to be.
I went from being a person who wanted to help people work through and be able to navigate existing systems to one who wants to organize everything and even run my own new system. The crazy thing is, this change in some ways has seemed to happen almost overnight. People who have met me this year interact with me very differently than people who knew me from before college, before England. They see me differently, and that’s kind of terrifying. They don’t come to me for emotional advice, or for comfort, something people have always come to me for in the past. That’s something that’s been hard for me to come to terms with. In fact, someone said “I feel like people come to you when they want to be kicked in the face with the truth.” She meant it as a compliment, but this kinda killed me a little bit on the inside.. Again, I am still quite emotional, and I feel most fulfilled when I’m helping people. I don’t want people to feel like they can’t come to me for fear of my bluntness; that isn’t all of who I am.
In terms of Myers-Briggs (since I use it as a tool to explain/make sense of things now), I basically went from an INFJ to an ISTJ, and that’s a ridiculous amount of difference (though I float between depending on the situation). I think a lot of this started with living in England, but has really flared up from all the stuff with my first year of college, when my experiences with my roommate and my first group of “friends” both made me hate having to hide myself and forced me to adapt how I coped with things. I found solace in my bluntness and my organization, and now those are my main characteristics. Instead of people liking my qualities of sweetness and being easy to talk to, people praise my diplomacy and the fact they know I mean it when I say something because I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t, I don’t sugar coat things, and sweetness and being easy to talk to are nowhere to be found. However, the taking charge part of my personality that has been developing over the last semester alone has been an unexpected development. I suppose it is the natural outcropping of organization and bluntness, but I wouldn’t have seen it coming from me. But maybe it’s been there all along?
After having so much reflection over everything, I have finally started to apply something I’m really good at to the problem: making lists. There’s a list on my phone now titled “WHO AM I” and on it I write the things that I find to be important elements of my personality, things that I find myself saying that I need in my life in order to be able to function. I no longer define myself by the various obsessions I’ve collected over the years, or by how other people think of me, but by the things that I value. So to close out this probably very confusing word-vomit here are the beginnings of my definition of myself, the things I value:
Just a quick thing – food for thought in the world of smart phones and iPads:
You see, we can feed the stomach with concentrates. We can supply microfilm for reading, recreation – even movies of a sort. We can pump oxygen in and waste material out. But there’s one thing we can’t simulate that’s a very basic need. Man’s hunger for companionship. The barrier of loneliness – that’s one thing we haven’t licked yet.
-The Twilight Zone, “Where Is Everybody?”
Hi all (by all I mean 2). So in trying to keep up with doing 1 post per month, I’m going to just quickly rant about something that’s been on my mind a lot during this first summer after college thing. People who don’t know me in person may not know this, but I look pretty young for my age, and you know what? I’m super insecure about it.
There’s always something that people hear wayyyy too often that just really starts to wear thin on them after a while, and for me, it’s how young I look. That and moving around a lot, but that’s a post for another day. (On a side note, what are things you hear all the time that only make you think “Well gee, I haven’t heard that one before *sarcastic eyeroll on the inside*”? Comment with them!) My sister is a year and a half younger than me, but she looks 5 years older than me. After a while, it is super frustrating that people automatically assume that she’s the older sister. Thankfully, I haven’t been around my sister overly much when meeting new people recently (thank you, college), but there’s still a lot that’s bothering me about it.
No one likes to be treated in a patronizing way, but when you look 6 years younger than you are and people just assume that they’re good at guestimating age and that you look the age you are, all you get is patronizing. And then shock, when you tell people you’re actually 20 and are in college (can’t wait to be 21 and be carded and judged every. single. time. I won’t drink often but still). And then the lines trying to make light of how far off in guestimating age they were: “Wow, you look so young!” (yeah I get that a lot…. *internal eyeroll*) and “When you’re older you’ll be glad to look so young!” (No, not actually, why on earth would I want to look like I’m a TEENAGER when I’m 35 and trying to hold a position of authority over teenagers? No thank you. The teenage years are awful enough, and teenagers have such a bad reputation, and are thereby judged and treated not the greatest by adults (admittedly, including myself), why would I want to perpetually look like I’m in those years??). I don’t mind being short, there are plenty of short adults. I don’t want to look older than I am (though I wouldn’t mind looking older as much as I mind looking younger). I just want to look the age I am and not hear the same thing all the time.
I apologize for how incredibly rant-y that was, I just needed a place to get that out. Next post I promise will be an actual post, probably a review on Inside Out, which is a fantastic movie that every (adult) should definitely see. Just sayin’.
So for my first post in FOUR MONTHS (that’s an entire third of a year, I’ve seen my long-distance boyfriend twice in that time) I decided to talk about college. Again.
You see, the thing is, college is very hard for me right now. Not in an academic sense; I have a cumulative GPA of 3.9, and I got an A in the Junior Seminar class I took last semester (which, incidentally was my second semester of my first year). What’s hard is the social side and the even more, the discovery and changing of self-identity.
Basically, I had a rough Dec-early March. It was horrendous, it sucked. It wasn’t because I got in with the wrong crowd, it was just a crowd that didn’t understand me, and it put me in a very bad place. Again, they weren’t bad people, they were just awful people for Me to be friends with. Since then, I’ve been pulling back more and more into myself and become the epitome of Introverted. Furthermore, I’m beginning to look into the wonderful world of typology, specifically, Myers Briggs and Jungian typology, and I’m discovering more and more than a lot of people really do not understand introverts. Furthermore, a even more people don’t understand INFJs (the least common personality type), which is what I happen to be. On the one hand, I love being an uncommon type, and I love being a unique individual. But feeling misunderstood, alienated, trapped, and forced into trying to be something I’m not? That was one of the worst experiences of my life (and Fe makes it 1000x worse).
So yeah, I had a horrible experience, and yes, it was the people that made it horrible. They weren’t horrible people, they weren’t even particularly horrible to me. They were just horrible for me. This whole experience has made me realize just how important it really is to have good friends and friends that can understand you. Failing that, at least someone or a couple of people who at least attempt to understand you or don’t let things that they don’t understand get in the way; accepting the things they don’t understand and moving on.
But anyway – my main point: please, if you or anyone you know is struggling with trying to fit in or not feeling like they can be themselves in front of others, please find something to help. Look up things to better understand them, look up things to better understand yourself. Be cognizant of who you are and who you want to be- but more importantly, be cognizant of why you want to be that person. Is it because you want to change for your own, intrinsically motivated reasons, or is it only because other people want you to change, or you want to change to fit others’ expectations?
I’m happy to say I’ve found the right people, and let me tell you, it makes a world of difference.
Hello all, sorry for not posting at all during my first semester of college. I’ll start posting musings on my college experience and my typical random things once I get back into the swing of things; for now, this is just a post FULL of updates on EVERYTHING.
College Fall 2014 – I did well in all my classes, had a 4.0 GPA for the semester, YAY!
College Spring 2015 – This coming semester I’ll be taking a class called “Composing a Digital Life,” so I have a new blog for that. Other classes include Early British Literature, American Literature, an Ancient Greece History class, and a Junior Sem on Orality and Literacy in Ancient Greece. It’ll be a challenging semester, but I’m excited to be kept busy with lit and ancient Greece classes.
In addition to my school stuff, I’m going to be trying to start/work on a couple new projects including:
A Cappella videos (more on this later)
Let it Go in Latin Music Video (more on this later)
and PODCAST! (see below)
In terms of the Podcast, I’m hoping to get together a group of students to discuss books with. My realistic goal is to have the first episode recorded by mid February, posted by the end of February, and then do monthly or bi-weekly after that.
I think those are all my updates for now, I’ll keep you posted!